


Two Steps Away From Everything Falling Apart

by tehfanglyfish



Series: Merthur Week 2020 [5]
Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Angst, Angst Does Not Spark Joy, Angst with a Happy Ending, Arthur Has Secrets Of His Own, Because I Refuse To Not Let It Work Out For Them, Canon Era, Deviates From Canon, Love Confessions, M/M, Merlin Is So Done With Arthur's Shit, Merlin's Magic Revealed (Merlin), Was Canon Not Cruel Enough?, but it was the prompt, everything works out in the end, so here we go
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-25
Updated: 2020-12-25
Packaged: 2021-03-11 02:13:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,838
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28317303
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tehfanglyfish/pseuds/tehfanglyfish
Summary: After years of imagining how this scene might play out, Merlin had never once considered that he might be the angry inquisitor, Arthur the one fighting back guilty tears. But everyone had their breaking point and Merlin was well past his.Written for Merthur Week 2020 Day 5: “Any other lies left to tell me?” + Angst
Relationships: Merlin/Arthur Pendragon (Merlin)
Series: Merthur Week 2020 [5]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2068728
Comments: 24
Kudos: 272
Collections: Merthur Week 2020





	Two Steps Away From Everything Falling Apart

**Author's Note:**

> Day 5, oh no! Only two more remain. Thank you, mods - this is a blast!
> 
> Gentle readers, angst is... not my jam. But I tried.
> 
> I don't infringe on copyrights - I just suggest edits to canon. Don't post my work to other sites, as that would cause angst for me.

“Any other lies left to tell me?”

It was odd. After years of imagining how this scene might play out, Merlin had never once considered that he might be the angry inquisitor, Arthur the one fighting back guilty tears. But everyone had their breaking point and Merlin was well past his.

The whole thing began about a month back, Merlin catching whispers of yet another magical threat against Arthur. Though this time, instead of a single rogue sorcerer, it was a legion. They didn’t care that Arthur hadn’t enforced Uther’s laws since taking the throne. It did not matter to them that the Druid elders had opposed their actions, arguing that Camelot’s new king simply needed time to work out a way to re-integrate magic users back into open society. Not even a plea from Emrys, disguised as Dragoon, could win them over.

And Merlin couldn’t entirely blame them. All of them had lost someone as a result of Uther’s bloodthirsty policies. Some had lost entire families. After so much heartache, ‘wait a little longer’ were hard words to swallow.

Still, Merlin knew that their way would only ignite further bloodshed, prolong the magic ban, and bring about more suffering. When reason failed to win them over, he set out to fight them. Singlehandedly. In secret. Not even Gaius knew the extent of what he was doing, as surprise was about the only advantage Merlin had fighting such a large contingent of sorcerers.

Never had Merlin known such exhaustion, both physical and emotional. And to make matters worse, he had to spend his days playing the role of Arthur’s bumbling servant. He loved the man with all his heart, knew him inside and out. But Arthur didn’t even seem to notice that something was bothering Merlin. Or if he did, he never made an effort to ask what was wrong.

This life of being servant and savior was a trying one and Merlin wasn’t sure how much more of it he could handle.

Despite the strain, Merlin wasn’t one to shirk his duty. He’d sworn to protect Arthur and so he followed through. Tonight had been the final battle, a direct showdown between Merlin and the last five sorcerers, the most powerful of the group. They’d saved their attack for the end, conserving their strength as Merlin’s reserves gradually wore down, hitting him not just with magic but with taunts and accusations, declaring him a traitor to magic users everywhere.

He’d won the day – barely and with more than a few injuries of his own. Ready to limp home from the forest clearing where he’d faced them, he heard it, a quiet rustling of fabric between the trees. Expecting a sixth sorcerer to be waiting, Merlin summoned all the magic he could, darting through the branches to find…

“Arthur? What the hell are you doing here?! It’s not safe for you to be wandering through the woods alone at night.”

Damn the prat. He wasn’t even wearing his armor. If he’d accidentally wandered into the battle, or worse, intentionally inserted himself, there would likely have been nothing Merlin could have done to save him.

“Oh, I wouldn’t say that,” Arthur replied. In the moonlight, Merlin could see his cheeky grin. “It seems I have a valiant protector keeping me safe. Five against one, Merlin! I don’t even know that I could manage such a feat.”

“You saw? The whole thing?” After having narrowly won the night’s battle, Merlin didn’t have any fear left to feel at the realization that Arthur now knew about his magic.

“Most of it. I was trying to trail you without you noticing, so I was a little late. It’s a shame, because I’ve never seen you so fierce. Last week was impressive, two nights ago was stunning, but tonight…”

“You’ve been watching me for a week?”

“Actually, for about a month. You seemed so on edge and I couldn’t figure out what was wrong. When I asked Gaius, he was elusive and said something about the tavern. I was going to track you down there but as I left the castle, I noticed you sneaking off in the opposite direction, so I followed you.”

“Without saying anything?”

Cold inquisitiveness was now turning to anger. Maybe Arthur was starting to notice because he dropped his overly boisterous demeanor.

“I just wanted to know what was troubling you,” Arthur explained, voice softer.

“And once you learned, you said nothing.”

“You were handling the situation well and I…”

“Handling it well? Is that what you thought? Because I was always about two steps away from everything falling apart.”

“But you didn’t let it. Besides, I’m not sure that there was much I could have done to help.” Arthur made a fair point there. “And… I liked to watch. Before this month, I’d only seen you use your magic for mundane things like lighting fires or polishing my armor. To see you in full battle mode was…”

“You knew about my magic?”

“Yes. And I’m so proud of how you…”

“For how long?”

“About five years now. I saw you magicking away a wine stain from my favorite tunic. For awhile I thought you were simply using it to cheat at your chores. I started to suspect you might have been doing more when certain impossible battles turned in my favor, but I’d never caught you in warrior mode until this month.”

“Five years. And you never once mentioned it.”

“I figured you’d bring it up eventually, but you never did. I’ve been waiting for you to tell me. I admit I was a little hurt at first, but it’s alright. Now that…”

“No, Arthur. It is most certainly not alright. All this time, while I’ve gone out of my way to keep it a secret…”

“You didn’t do that good of a job of it.”

Merlin hoped his glare looked as ferocious as he felt.

“… nearly killing myself several times in the process,” he continued, “you didn’t think to say a word. You’d just wait for me to bring it up, all the while _your_ feelings were hurt that I was keeping a secret. And honestly, how could I not have told you?! I mean, it’s not as though I live in a kingdom where the laws say sorcery is to be punished by death.”

“You know I wouldn’t…”

“No, Arthur, I don’t. I hope you wouldn’t, but your stance on magic has been lax enforcement of the laws. That’s not enough to make a sorcerer feel at ease.” Merlin hadn’t meant to say any of that, but stress, and strain, and a lack of sleep had left him unable to self-censor any longer. “It doesn’t really matter how much I love you, I can’t trust you. Especially if you’ve known _for years_ but couldn’t be bothered to change the damn laws.”

“I’m sorry.” It came out as a tiny whisper, so different from Arthur’s usual regal tone. “I didn’t realize the extent of the burden you were carrying. It wasn’t fair of me to let you shoulder it alone. And I’d be honored to share it with you moving forward. If you’ll let me.”

Merlin wanted to forgive it all, to tell Arthur everything, to lay bare his heart. But he was still too angry, too afraid that they’d crossed a point from which they could never come back.

“Any other lies left to tell me?”

Arthur flinched, not that Merlin blamed him. Never, not once in all the years that they’d known each other, had he used that tone with Arthur.

“I…” Arthur hesitated, anguish clouding his face.

“Yes? I’m waiting.”

“I don’t like peas.”

“What?” Arthur’s unexpected confession cut through Merlin’s simmering rage.

“I said I don’t like peas. I know that I told you I did the first time you cooked them for me, but I was just trying to be polite. It’s not that your cooking is bad – they really were the best peas I’d ever eaten – but that didn’t change the fact that they were peas.”

“But I’ve made sure you had peas with your dinner for the past decade.” It was true. Merlin had even gone out of his way, learning how to grow them indoors so that he could have a supply ready in winter without revealing his magic.

“I know. I always tuck them in a napkin when you aren’t looking and get rid of them after you leave for the night. I used to share them with the knights, but they’re pretty much sick of them too.”

“So no one likes my peas?”

“Not _your_ peas Merlin… just peas in general. Not even a sorcerer as powerful as you can make up for their vile nature.”

Arthur’s tone was so sincere, his face so earnest in the moonlight, that Merlin couldn’t help it. He burst out laughing. After a moment’s hesitation, Arthur joined him. They laughed until they doubled over, collapsing to the ground, coughing as they struggled to breathe. The tears running down Arthur’s face likely matched Merlin’s own, the fear and anxiety of the last decade washing away with them.

They would be ok. Yes, they needed to talk. At length. But they would survive this and come out better for it in the end.

“It occurs to me,” Arthur said as he finally gained his composure, “that you also let a secret slip tonight. You said you loved me… I know it will be a while before you can fully trust me, but when, or if you can… well, you’re not the only one whose been keeping that same secret.”

“You mean you love you too?”

“Shut up, Merlin. You know damn well what I mean.”

Sitting on the forest floor in the moonlight, all his secrets exposed, Merlin couldn’t remember the last time he’d felt so at ease. He reached for Arthur’s hand, intertwining their fingers.

“As a courtship gift, you can change the laws. And you can cook for me for a month. After all the peas I made you, it’s the least you can do.”

“Sounds reasonable,” Arthur said, squeezing his hand back. “Now let’s get you home. You look like hell. Better take the next week off so you can get caught up on sleep. And… if you find you need a more comfortable bed, I’m happy to let you use mine.”

“And will you be using it as well?”

“Only if you want me to.”

“I do. But on one condition.”

“Which is?”

“No more secrets. For either of us. At least, not with each other.”

“I swear it.”

“As do I. Now come on. We have a long walk back.”

“Good. It will give me time to tell you everything I’ve been keeping from you. Did you know, Merlin, that your cheekbones are the finest in all the five kingdoms? Sometimes I’ll catch sight of them in a council meeting and forget…”

And, hand-in-hand, they walked home, Merlin listening to Arthur sing his praises the whole way.


End file.
